Logic and Sense

Lightning Bugs

2008-07-30T22:20:00.002-05:00

I was just wondering...

Where are lightning bugs during the day? You see them at dusk, but at no other time during the day.

Do you call them "lightning bugs" or "fireflies"?

Perspectives

2008-03-12T19:52:00.003-05:00

Last Tuesday I had such a good time. For my birthday a good friend of mine got me tickets to see RENT. This is the third time that I have seen the show on stage. Generally when I get tickets for any Broadway show, I get orchestra seats as early as the tickets go on sale so that I can get the ones closest to the front as possible. I've seen many shows from as close as the second row (although, I wouldn't recommend the second row). Sitting close allows me to see the actors expressions and catch nuances that you can't see from farther back. When I saw RENT last week, I sat on the front row of the mezzanine section. I couldn't believe how much I had missed by always getting close seats! There was some good choreography that I had missed before, and with this particular touring group it was better to be farther away so as to not see how much chemistry they lacked. (I saw this particular group perform RENT just last October, and it really seemed a lot better this time.)

I'm home for Spring Break this week visiting my family. Last night my mom and I were talking about education and I was telling her that this year I don't have many worries about the state test that my students have to take since the score they have to receive on it is comparably lower than what I require in my classroom. She remarked that standards are just being lowered and lowered even more. I had to argue this. My students must take three years of math in high school at an Algebra 1 level or higher. When my mom was in school, she only needed one math credit. How is this a lowering of standards? What is the media and government feeding citizens to get them to believe that standards are being lowered? Starting next year all of my students are going to have to pass an Algebra test at the end of the year just to qualify for a high school diploma. How many Americans can say that they have done this? Maybe my perspective as a high school teacher, one who works with the average-joe student, is different than that of one from the outside looking into the world of public education. America, be assured that not all teachers are lowering standards. America's students are capable of learning and they do learn.

People, including myself, are so self-focused and closed-minded. It's easy to view life through your own eyes; maturity helps you to look at life from a different perspective. We only have one life to live. Living with understanding of other people's thoughts, opinions, and actions will give each of us more satisfaction. When you know someone struggling with their health, it makes you appreciate each breath you take and every mundane task you perform as a true gift from God.

NCLB for graduate school

2008-03-06T20:16:00.003-06:00

I know it has been quite some time since my last post. The seeming monotony of my life does not warrant too many new posts, though.

I am taking only one graduate class this semester and by May I should have finished 24 hours of my program in school administration. I have had two classes that I felt were worthy of my time and another one in which the books were good even though the class was a joke. A joke. . . yes, that is the word that I'd have to use to describe my program. I've remained optimistic up to this semester, but. . . I've had it! Let me explain how ridiculous things have gotten in grad school.

First, I have had three classes with this one particular professor. He is an older guy who knows his three lectures that he gives each semester and who recycles his midterms and finals from class to class. This means that I have taken (and aced) a similar test SIX different times! My question is why is this guy not creating tests for each of his classes? How is taking this same test teaching me anything new? It's not, which is why I didn't take another class with him this semester.

Then there was the class where I went and looked at all of these dome gyms, listened to an architect talk about dome gyms, and besides showing up to class I did nothing else for this class. No midterm. No final exam. No research paper. No summary of anything.

This semester I am taking a class called Advanced Educational Measurements. I thought this one might be a little challenging, but by week 2 of the class I knew otherwise. Let me summarize what I've done in this class: I have read aloud a PowerPoint slide after having the professor pull a stick with my name on it out of a cup and I have made a "graphic organizer" of a portion of a chapter out of the text book (with a group of classmates) and then presented the material to the rest of the class. The book has been talking about validity and reliability of tests and assessments and proper construction of such instruments. So, tonight I thought I'd work on my take-home midterm. To be honest, I don't think I have EVER had a take home test before. This test, in this class about proper test construction and procedures, is the absolute worst test I have ever taken. Some are multiple choice questions, however their construction is all different. Some are a, b, c, d. Some are i, ii, iii, iv. Some are just blanks where I am supposed to put checkmarks. The questions are poorly worded, and I don't even always know what I am being asked. Don't even getting me going about how this test is formatted!!!

Many public educators cringe at the acronym NCLB--the infamous No Child Left Behind law. Personally, I don't. Do I see 100% success in my classroom? No. But I know someone is watching to make sure my kids are learning Algebra. I'm sorry, but I'm a realist and I know that the majority of my kids will never apply Algebra to their everyday lives. Yet, I still must make sure that they LEARN it well enough to pass a challenging state test. It's called accountability; it's a good thing. It pushes me to do my best as a teacher. My question is why do public universities not have such accountability? Supposedly my program is accredited, but I'm tempted to go to the accreditors myself and tell them about this ridiculous program. Grade school is more challenging!

The Effect of Cell Phones on Little House

2007-07-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

I enjoy watching Little House on the Prairie during my time off in the summer. Although I've seen most of the episodes many times over, I still am moved by the drama. (Don't make fun of me!) However, after watching the drama 30+ years after it originally aired, I've decided that many of the Ingalls family near tragedies could be prevented if they had a cell phone. Just imagine. . . when Laura runs away on the mountain and the stranger/angel Jonathan helps her reunite with her pa. Rather than building a large bonfire to get "God's" attention, he could sneak a call on her cell phone to Pa and tell him exactly where she is. Quickly Pa could call Ma and tell her not to worry because he now knows where Laura is and that they will all be home for dinner. Time and time again, the Ingalls family would benefit from having a cell phone. I could see this being some cell phone company's new line of commercials. :) I have to admit, Little House wold be much less interesting if they all had phones.

Ever played Balderdash???

2007-06-21T23:51:00.000-05:00

In college, a friend of mine introduced me to the board game "Beyond Balderdash." I loved the game from the start. Thanks to my friend Christie who taught me how to lie with a straight face (sorry, Jana), I actually found myself to be pretty good at the game. It's great because I get to exercise my imagination and creativity.

During a late night channel surfing, I came across a movie that will undoubtedly be a movie title for a new version of "Balderash" (someday). The movie is entitled "The Girl with Brains in Her Feet." The eloquent descirption as shared by DISH Network is:

A 13-year-old prepares for a large athletics meet while dealing with a browbeating mother and teen angst in 1972 Britain.

Unfortunately, I am too tired to stay up for some odd British movie.

Summer Break

2007-05-26T22:19:00.000-05:00

Why is it that I wait all year for June and July? Summer break. Two full months without needy teenagers. Today is Day 1. I slept in. I lounged; went to the mall and a few other shops. Watched a movie. And, for the first time in weeks, I did not make a "To Do List" for the weekend. There is nothing pressing. It's wonderful.

It's also awful. I get bored. I waste time watching reruns of "Friends" and "Little House on the Prairie." I don't want to waste the time, but what is there to do for merely two months? Any ideas??? I have some busy weeks this month, but the pace of the summer is a shock to my system.

Maturity, Mr. Holland, and the Stock Market

2007-05-22T20:51:00.000-05:00

My name is Becky. . . and I am a workaholic. I know this. I've always been this way. I love it when someone sees this in me and uses it to challenge me to do better. Very few people do this; they see the work that I do as being adequate, good enough, or even better than most others.

Today I learned that my supervisor of the last 3 years is being promoted to a district-level position. I know the typical American attitude is not one of respect and admiration for one's "boss," but that is exactly what I have for L. She's challenged me to think deeply about education and how it should be done. She has shown me how some of the "sacred cows" of education are not so sacred and even helped me develop a grading system less based percentages and more focused on learning and skill mastery. Since day one she has been planting seeds in me and my colleagues to help us grow.

I wonder what next year will hold for me now. Whenever I have a challenge or a concern, I always end up in L.'s office. Maybe next year is my year to become a "grown-up." I can't explain it, but I sometimes don't feel like an adult, like I'm not mature enough to be an adult. That's a bit ironic, since I've been told I was 30 since I was 7 years old. Next year I want to begin my journey to become an expert educator--knowing how kids learn and methods of effective instruction and leadership. Rarely have I had a role model, but she has truly had an impact on me.

Last weekend I caught the last half of Mr. Holland's Opus on tv. I love this movie, although I find it much more plausible for Mr. Holland, a music teacher, to have his ending than for me a math teacher. I can hardly imagine an auditorium of my former students coming to my retirement to show their appreciation. It is a rare occassion when even one former student comes to relay how inspirational that I as a teacher was to his life. Just to know that the extra time that I pour into one student as she develops persistence and tenacity--even more important than the Algebra skills--eventually will pay off with a responsible, wise, and successful adult.

I read in my School Finance book last semester about how education is an investment in human capital. I think it must be like investing in the stock market. Education is risky; what a teacher says and does in class does make a difference. Will I choose in this investment to teach haphazardly or wisely? Will I be like L.--respected and admired by everyone on my faculty for challenging the norm and doing the best thing for the kids?

The end of all things

2007-05-05T20:39:00.000-05:00

Time has been a valuable commodity of late. Most of my free time for the past 6 weeks has been spent completing projects for grad school and preparing students for state testing. Last week, everything came to an end.

On Monday I gave my final to my community college class. Some passed the class; others I graciously gave a D; many more failed. I loved teaching this math class. The students took responsibility for their own actions. Overall felt like we all had a great rapport. Attendance was good. However, the students who were all mostly working adults did not devote enough time to a 5-hour math class.

On Tuesday I finished my Fundamentals of Public School Administration class. This is the class where I had the same professor that I had this summer. Same professor, same lectures, same tests (generally). I wasn't worried about this class, but the work was time-consuming all the same. I basically felt like this class was a waste of my time, money, and energy. I don't mind taking classes, however I am in grad school to learn new things and I don't think I learned anything in this class.

Wednesday was the first day of state testing for my Algebra I students. The first three hours were wonderful, but my last two were just a bit obnoxious--both days. One of my students, M., has been driving me nuts all year. However, he shocked me this week again. It didn't shock me when he came into class speaking loudly in spite of the students who were still finishing the test. It didn't shock me that I had to move B. who was sitting behind him because M. would stretch his very long arms into her personal space. What surprised me was when M., after wiping his nose in the back of the class, picked up a water bottle on the back desk and opened it, preparing to take a drink. I was horrified. This drink belonged to a PTA mom who was monitoring my tests. M. didn't even apologize.

Testing concluded on Thursday. Thursday night was also my Public School Finance final exam. In this class, the grade that you make on the final determines whether you get an A or a B. As long as all of the class projects were complete, then you were guaranteed a B in the class. My attitude in grad school has been generally relaxed about my grades. However, this is the class that busts everyone's 4.0, and I wasn't going to let it do that for me. I really didn't see the class as being all that difficult. I was a little worried about the final exam, but I aced the take-home portion and missed 8 out of 50 on the multiple choice portion. So. . . I got my A.

Friday morning I left for St. Louis. I was able to get a great deal on airline tickets. After being violated by a rather rotund woman climbing over me to her seat, the flight was relaxing. I got my luggage and left for the Metrolink to get to the Illinois side. When I went to get my ticket for the Metrolink, though, it was raining. The machine would not take my money because it was wet since the machine wasn't covered. I was soaked and didn't know how I would get home. My mom just decided to drive to the airport. Once I got home, I was able to relax some.

Today was supposed to be Zack's first T-ball game, but with all of the rain that they've had here this week, the fields were too wet. Sadly there was not T-ball. :( Today was also Mikey's 4th birthday party. It was fun. It was important to me to be there. I want to be involved in my nephew's lives as they are growing up. They are such good kids, and I just love spoiling them!!!

Tuesday I go back to work. There are just 14 days of school left at that point. The students are really shutting down. Some stopped working after spring break; others are just doing enough to pass. I try to motivate; I've tried punishment, reward, and anything else I can think of. Does anyone have any advice on motivating students? Why did you perform in school--did your parents stay on top of your studies, were you self-motivated, did you just see no point to what you were learning???

This summer will again be busy with lots of travel. I have 3-weeks of teacher workshops to present, at least 1 week at home for Ethan's first birthday, and 4 weeks of grad school.

Until next time. . .

The Longest Martin Luther King Jr. Day Ever

2007-01-20T09:24:00.000-06:00

Monday was Martin Luter King Jr. Day. Because of that, school was out on Monday. However, school was out on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday as well. Okay, it wasn't all for MLK. It is amazing what two inches of ice south of the Mason-Dixon Line will do. Every school in northeast Oklahoma cancelled classes all week due to poor road conditions. The main roads have finally cleared--for now--but road crews do not clean residential roads. Thus for the last week, I've feel like I have been living on a ice skating rink.

Today we are expecting even more winter precipitation. Four to five inches of sleet and snow. I doubt we have school on Monday again and possibly on Tuesday. I don't know how much more I can take of being cooped up in my house. However, I don't know how well I'm going to do when I'm catapulted back into my busy schedule. I'm just going to use my time at home to try to stay ahead so that when life returns to normal at least I'll feel like I am caught up or even a litle ahead.

It's been awhile

2006-12-19T22:05:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since my last post. I try not to post anything new unless I have something new to say. Lately my life has been rather monotonous, thus silence in the blogosphere. For those of you that use the blog to keep up with my life, let me answer a few common questions that I tend to be asked frequently (aka, Becky's FAQ).

1. How was your Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving this year really was not all that great. I really just don't want to talk about it if that's okay.

2. How are your classes?

This question has several different answers depending on which classes you are talking about. As for high school, besides the days when I want to kill them because they are being idiots or the other days when I know I can't kill them so why don't I just kill myself because they're driving me up the wall, my high school classes are fine. No major incidents to report. As for my graduate classes, that torture is finally over. I'm one-third of the way done with my master's. As for the basic math class that I teach at college, that is over too. The students who made a habit of (a) showing up for all of the tests, and (b) showing up for the majority of classes all passed, which surprised me. Teaching college is different, and to me, a lot more frustrating that teaching high school; I suppose I don't like not just being able to tell them what to do.

3. How were your finals?

High school finals are still in progress but are going better than most other teachers. (That scares me a bit.) Why do kids today not study when they arrive to a class before an exam? Why is it more the teacher's job to prepare students for an exam than it is the students' job to study and review for a test? Also, there were no finals for me in grad school. (That scares me a bit, too.)

4. When are you going home for Christmas?

I haven't quite decided yet. Either Friday or Saturday (probably Friday). I imagine I'll stay about a week unless I get a better offer. Life is a highway, right???

5. What are you doing for New Years?

Same thing I usually do--nothing.

6. What classes are you taking next semester?

Well, I have had some problems with the phone system so I am not officially registered for next semester. My plan, though, is to take school finance and fundamentals of school administration.

Other notable items: I put up a Christmas tree this year; I am very proud of it. I think it's the first time I ever did one all by myself and it's the first one I've had since I've lived on my own (yes, for about 10 years now).

I'm getting a weed eater for Christmas. Woohoo!!!

There really isn't much else going on. I'm tired; I get up early and work hard and go to school. Then I sleep and do it all over again.

Well, feel free to continue this conversation with me at any point. I just thought I'd cover the basics for everyone.

Accuracy Counts

2006-10-01T21:11:00.000-05:00

Last night I watched The Weather Man. It is a rather depressing movie and uses the F-word a lot, so I don't strongly recommend it, but I was thinking about it today. On the front cover of the DVD, it says "In life, accuracy counts." The main character in this film had a great job, but he wasn't qualified for it. Despite his job in which he was chastised for his inaccuracy, his life was a complete failure. He is divorced, his 12-year-old girl is obese and smokes, his son is recovering from drug use, etc. He can't even have a decent conversation with his ex-wife. How many screw-ups did it take for him to get to this place? Likely it was a series of inaccurate choices. In life, accuracy does count. We must consider every word we speak, every action we choose to make. One action or word could make or break your life.

A few weeks ago, a 15-year-old girl from my school drove a car and killed an 11-year-old boy. She is being charged as an adult for 2nd-degree murder. One bad action; one moment of inaccuracy and a lifetime of consequences.

In life, accuracy counts. Consider it in each action you take.

Basics of Mathematics

2006-10-01T18:02:00.000-05:00

Why is it that so many people make so many dumb mathematical mistakes and then blame algebra for being hard? I have kids doing most of their algebra perfectly, but they can't do their basic math. This is not MY fault.

For instance, a negative number divided by another negative number equals a positive number. This is a mathematical truth. Personally, I can't explain why this is, but I just do it. I've never seen God and yet I know He is.

Also, the fraction 5/10 reduces to 1/2. The fraction 5/10 does NOT reduce to 2 or to 1/5. OY!

Is it too much to ask that high schoolers should know this? No, it is not, but at the same time it is really hard for me to do my job well when only about half (that is 1/2 or 50%) of my students know their basic math. Can you believe there are kids who don't have a clue about any of their multiplication facts?!? Seriously, whose fault is this?

Preparedness, Patience, and Perfection

2006-09-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

This has been my most exhausting week of school yet. Oddly, though, there have been no great, pressing deadlines. I have just felt behind all week, and for me that is the worst feeling in the world. Tuesday, the night I have my two classes after I get off work, I had a short paper due. I didn't do it Monday night, though; I was just going to do it on my planning period on Tuesday. Haha!!! Apparently I was to learn a lesson about procrastination because that very morning I was told that I would be subbing for a Spanish class during my planning period. Fortunately, these students were much better than the women's choir that I subbed for last week. The short paper did get finished, but not to my liking.

Yesterday was a particularly bad day too. First, I had to go to Wal-Mart to buy lunch before going to work. When I got to work at 6:45, I had a short 8-question quiz to write as well as a 30-question worksheet. Usually I have no problem doing this and getting the copies made. But yesterday, I had probably 10 kids come in to get extra help or get caught up, and they started coming in at 7:15! Needless to say, I couldn't make my own copies and the teacher who made the copies for me didn't do it correctly, which again messed up my day even more. I should have been more prepared than I was. I don't plan a week in advance; it doesn't work with the way that I teach. But, I need to really start having my assignments done the night before so that this situation does not arise again. I was so much more prepared today and it made a noticeable difference in my

Today after work I got the opportunity twice to exercise patience. Generally I get to exercise this at work; I expect to have to be patient at work. But I had a simple doctor's appointment today after school at 3:30. After about 10 minutes, I was called back to the examination room, but it was still more than an hour later before I saw the doctor for 3 minutes. It's not like the office was busy! I just don't understand why I had to wait. And then, I went to Walgreens. I knew better, but went there anyway. Every time I go there it is an awful experience and tonight was no different. I won't share the pointless details, but at least Jana was there to keep me from really fuming like last time.

If you don't really know me, then to say that I'm a perfectionist might be an understatement. Honestly, though, I choose what I am going to be perfect in. I want to be a perfect teacher, a perfect student, and even a perfect friend. That's a lot of being perfect, so I slack on keeping a perfectly clean house, updating a perfect blog, and keeping a perfect budget. I was reading Jeanine's blog about her thoughts and God's thoughts about being perfect. So many people view perfectionists as obsessive and annoying even. Some can be. After thinking about what Jeanine had to say, though, maybe it is okay to desire to be perfect, especially in what God has called us to. Education is my ministry. It's my passion and I remember the day God called me to it. At this point, I can't imagine ever wanting to do something other than teach. If this is what I do, I am going to do it whole-heartedly. If doing this is making my life difficult, that is fine. Life was not meant to be easy. More than anything, I just want my life to perfectly fulfill the plan that God has for it.

Life in the fast lane

2006-09-10T18:41:00.000-05:00

When I drive, I do speed, but it generally just 2-5 mph over the speed limit. However, I feel like my daily life is going so much faster than that. I feel like things are going so quickly that I hardly have time to breathe (much less blog). Life is good; don't get me wrong. My high school students are great, but they require me to give them a lot of energy. The grad classes that I'm taking are a 50-50 split. One is okay and somewhat interesting; the other I will complete successfully, but I don't think I'm going to like the class at all. And the basic math class that I teach at TCC is still the easiest thing I've ever done. It's odd, though, teaching people who are my age or older, though. I wish I could say that there is more to my life, but there's not. Just work. I can barely keep up mowing the lawn, much less house cleaning and grocery shopping (which MUST be done this week before I go crazy). As I sit here and reflect, I wonder if there really is more to life than work. As I peruse the first chapters of Ecclesiastes in search of an answer, the only conclusion I can come to is that man should enjoy his work because it is his lot. If that is the case, I'm doing okay but should at some point read something about what the Bible says about rest. :)

School has begun

2006-08-20T16:31:00.000-05:00

School has officially begun. So far, everything is going well. I haven't noticed any behavior problems that I am going to have to deal with, even though my largest class is two-thirds boys. I'm going to have to make an extra effort to pay attention to the girls in that class.

Tuesday night my graduate classes begin. One class doesn't even have a book! I figure it should be pretty easy.

My latest news is that I am going to be teaching a course at Tulsa Community College. I never really thought I'd be teaching college. I'm only teaching Basic Math (think 2nd-7th grade math), but I don't know how much homework to assign these adult students. Obviously if they are in this class they need some practice at this, but I don't want to give so much that they quit.

A Dread of Morning

2006-08-05T22:37:00.000-05:00

I fear every morning that I will do something that I will regret. I fear that I will kill a dog.

Soon after I moved in last year, my neighbors got a new dog--a dachshund. This annoying little SOB is let outside early each morning. Usually it is around 6 o'clock, but sometimes it is earlier or later. The dog has no manners! It runs out the door barking, and often doesn't ever shut up! I'm sorry, but some people are still trying to sleep at 6 o'clock! When I'm on summer vacation, I really don't want to be up at that time. It's even worse during the school year, on Saturdays or Sundays, when this happens. If I'm lucky enough to fall back asleep after the dog's first outing, it is only about an hour later when the cycle is repeated.

I really do hate this animal. I want to talk to the neighbors about it, but (not to sound mean) they are not the kind of people who would understand my problem. Anyone have a suggestion of how to shut this dog up without my being charged with animal cruelty?

Graduate School Frustration

2006-07-27T23:09:00.000-05:00

Today I finished my first six hours of grad school! Woohoo!!! Only thirty more hours left. I am exhausted mentally and cannot wait to walk around tomorrow. I feel like I've been tied down to my couch with my books and my laptop for the past four weeks. I want to go on a nice walk tomorrow.

I'd like to vent my frustration. Both of my classes were meant to help teachers have better instructional methods, however my instructor demonstrated the worst instructional strategies ever! He never returned email or voice mails. He never clarified what his expectations were on any assignment. Everything I did was a guess. Grades were never kept up to date, and I have no idea what my grade is. Even today when he could have shown me what my scores were, he wouldn't show me! What's up with that?!?!

At least the books were good. I want to know if I am the only person that does the required reading for classes??? Besides Humanities, I always have done the reading. I think I was the only person to do the reading for these classes. That bothers me. Why pay for an education that you are not really achieving?

Well, now I can begin my summer vacation, with only under two weeks left. What should I do with this time? I imagine I'll be bored a bit, but I'm going to enjoy it while I can.

Puzzle Update

2006-07-18T18:15:00.000-05:00

The puzzle was put away before I left on my last teaching trip. As much as I really did want to conquer it, I have enough to conquer right now.

I started grad school two weeks ago. I am taking two classes in four weeks. For those of you have never done that, I really don't suggest it! All I do is read and read and write and read some more. I interviewed my principal this morning (that's odd if you have never interviewed your boss) to get advice on the four papers I get to write in the next week. She even told me what direction she wanted me to take on one of the papers and then she wants to review it for implementation into our program. Oy!!! I know I can make an A on the paper (usually), but this is a whole new challenge!

So, now it is time for more reading. . .

Would it be a waste?

2006-07-04T12:29:00.000-05:00

Several weeks ago I decided that I wanted to put together a puzzle. To be honest, I've never spent serious time working on a large puzzle. I'm good at helping Zack and Mikey with their 24-48 piece puzzles, but I wanted to try a "real" puzzle. Personally what I had in mind was something with about 500 pieces. This, to me, was an attainable goal.

Over the past several weeks I've had this puzzle strewn out on the dining room table. "Most" of the edge is put together, but no one can figure out how to get it all to fit just exactly. Jana and I have had friends who are pretty much puzzle experts try to figure it out, and though they made some progress, even they couldn't figure it out.

This puzzle is 1,000 pieces and seems quite daunting to me. I've got a lot going on right now, and Jana seems anything but interested in a puzzle. Hours have been spent on the edge of this puzzle. But, I want to know, would it be a waste to just put it away? I can't see myself ever finishing it.

Rudy

2006-06-28T17:29:00.000-05:00

I watched the last half of Rudy last night. I've only seen the movie once before but remember loving it. If you have never seen it, I highly recomment it. The movie is about a young student whose heart is to get into Notre Dame and play football for them. Rudy has more determination and self-discipline than probably everyone I know combined. His focus and hard work even causes many others to ridicule him for making them look bad.

I think there may be just a little bit of Rudy in me. I really wanted that math curriculum specialist job, as intimidating as it was to me. During the last two years, I have learned so much about teaching for learning and I dedicate most of every school day to refining that art. I have hardly perfected it, that is for sure. I really hope that I can learn something from Rudy. He had heart and passion that made him a great inspiration for others. I know this may cause some of my colleagues to judge me, but I really just want to do what is right by my students.

Results of Today's Interview

2006-06-27T19:58:00.000-05:00

Well, even though my interview went great, I did not get the position. I have mixed feelings right now: part of me is relieved and the other part of me is really sad. I just have to keep telling myself that I am okay with this. I have some great ideas that I want to implement next year and as I do these things they can do nothing but better prepare me for whatever future God has in store for me.

The Need for Change???

2006-06-27T17:46:00.000-05:00

I don't know what it is, but generally every two years I find myself in an position where I go through a period of major change. Two years ago I changed churches and also teaching jobs where I even changed the subject that I taught. Two years before that, I started teaching. Heck, I even changed my major in college every other year. Is it that I don't know what I want???? Back then, I think that was the situation; now I feel like I am going somewhere.

Today I interviewed for a different position in my school district. To be honest, it's a position that, if you just look at my resume, I'm not qualified to teach. I don't have an advanced degree, I don't even have a math degree, and I've only taught for 4 years (with only two in math). On paper I am not qualified to be a math curriculum specialist. But somehow, this is the path that I've felt myself going for the past year and a half. I didn't think that this would happen so soon, but back in January I learned that Todd, the former math curriculum specialist who has really taught me tons about teaching math, was being promoted to another position and that someone else would need to fill his role. I was certain that it would be someone else. But, it got me thinking about where my future was going, and that day I decided that it was time that I get started on my master's. Well, four months later, a friend and colleague insisted that I at least apply for the position; two weeks later, I did. I wasn't sure at all what I would say in my letter of interest, but when I finally had enough courage to begin writing it, the words just came so naturally.

Today I had my interview, and I was so nervous. Honestly, I am okay with whatever happens, but I was still nervous. Six people sat in on my interview...oy! One of the six people was my "boss" who I know was just sad to see me in there; she doesn't want to lose me. It was a tough interview, but I was myself and even admitted that I didn't know the answer to some of the questions. (I was very, very thankful for the conference that I went to this weekend, though. It helped me a lot.) Lisa, my asst. principal at my school, walked me outside after it was over and told me how great I did. She was so encouraging, as she always is. No one person has helped me grow into the professional that I am like she has; everything I have learned about teaching and leadership I've learned from her. Part of me does not want the job because I like working directly with her so much. I really don't know what I want right now. I still have so much room to grow as a teacher. If I don't get the job, then I understand, especially since one of the candidates almost has her doctorate.

I really want what God wants. I don't want to have more influence than what God wants me to right now. I know that if I get the position then I would need more help from him than ever just to get by. At some point, I really do need to stop changing jobs every two years. Seriously, how many different jobs would I have by the time I retired???

Mountains in Oklahoma???

2006-06-12T20:55:00.000-05:00

Who would have guessed??? There are mountains in Oklahoma. Now, I have to admit they aren't the Rockies, or even the Appalachians, but it is something. Apparently the Wichita Mountains in Southwest Oklahoma (where I'm presenting at a math conference this week) are among the oldest on Earth. It really is a sight, though, to look out a window at the school and see these mountains in the skyline. I'm just not used to such a sight.

The mountains are the best part of this week. I'm in Lawton, Oklahoma. It's not the little town that I thought it would be, but there isn't much to it anyway. There are about 18,000 students enrolled in the schools here, which to be honest surprised me. Staying in a hotel, I'm at the mercy of the food establishments nearby, and there are not many. I'm sure there are sub shops around, but I haven't found them. Most restaurants here serve only fried food. Personally I'm tired of eating out and a salad sounds delicious, but I can't find a place that serves a good salad. Also, I want to know what is up with the stop lights in this town. They take forever to change. I imagine someone has run out of gas at one of these lights. All that to say, I really do not enjoy driving in this town, and yet tonight when I was out, the mountains (some may call them big hills) beckoned me to them, putting me at the mercy of the stop lights in this town. Oy!!!

Pictures

2006-06-11T17:21:00.000-05:00

The link above will send you to a photo album where you can view pictures of Ethan and the boys. My nephews are such cuties!!!

Great News

2006-06-08T22:32:00.000-05:00

Gloria had her baby this morning around 5:30. His name is NOT "Spiderman" as Zack wanted, but they named him Ethan Robert. All is well (as far as I know) and everyone is healthy. He weighed 9 pounds and 3 ounces. I guess Gloria will probably never have a "small" baby. She's even said that smoking may be a good idea for her when she's pregnant so that she can lower the birth weight. (Of course she was joking.)

I'm sure his picture will be on the website on a few days and I'll put a link in.

God Thought

2006-06-07T21:54:00.000-05:00

From Don Miller's Searching for God Knows What:

I'll bet he [Adam] didn't have any self-doubt or any low self-esteem because he had God there and, as I have said, just as a plant gets its life from the sun, people must have received their life from God. Jesus was always talking about how His glory cam from God, as though God was shining on Him. The thing that made Jesus good, and the thing that made Adam good, was God's shining on them.

Ice Cream Worth Having

2006-06-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

This week I'm away from home, staying in a hotel, presenting at a professional development conference for middle school math teachers. In all honesty, I've been pleased with the presentations that I've given and the feedback I've received. Soon I may even be able to say that I have overcome my fear of public speaking. :)

I don't want to talk about the conference now, though.

I came back to the hotel tonight and decided to walk through a couple parking lots to go to Sonic to get a sundae. As I was sitting there I realized that the ice cream truly worth having, the stuff you really enjoy, you have to walk there to get. I remember when I was in high school--those horrible days before I had my driver's license--when Gloria and I would walk to Dairy Queen and get ice cream in the middle of the day. I enjoyed that ice cream. It felt like such a treat to go without my parents, and often without there knowledge, to enjoy the simple cold treat. Tonight was a similar experience for me. I found myself again.

I didn't go with anyone, but I took Don Miller's book Searching for God Knows What. In many ways I feel like he came with me. As I read the book, even though they are chapters I've read before, I felt like I was finding my center. He speaks about renouncing the god that most American Christians align themselves with--a small god of rules who is checking his list to see who is naughty and nice. He continues by explaining how the God of the Bible is so much bigger than that God and how we don't fear him. If we do, why do we not listen when he says to be patient, to be kind, and to not judge lest we ourselves are judged? We claim to know that all sin, no matter how we as humans rate it, is abhorred by God, and yet we pick and choose the rules that we want to obey. I am guilt of this. Particularly if I go to a fast food restaurant and the people working are slow and make mistakes. I am easily angered, and even if I don't say something, I still give off body language that very clearly says something. Why do we (and by we I mean I) punish these fast food employees who are working hard. For many of them this is the first job that they have; they are not professionals. There is a reason they are working fast food. And even if they've been there for years, why can I not make allowances for them to make mistakes? Most of them (unless they are my students) aren't out to get me.

I just want to meditate on this idea of fearing God. Miller feels like there should truly be a healthy fear of God in us, not just the simple respect of God that we all claim to have out of reverance for who He is. Maybe Jana can enlighten me with the Hebrew meanings of fearing God and what the original writers were trying to convey.

Being a Rock Star

2006-04-26T21:55:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, I never wanted to be a rock star. For anyone who knows me, I really just don't fit the bill. I have no punk, no attitude, no anything that is needed to be a rock star. I laugh even just thinking about jumping into a crowd of people and body surfing.

Today was day one of two for my end-of-instruction testing. I hate the name of the test. What do you think I'm going to do for the next 20 school days? Let the kids sleep??? Anyway, it was a long day of just trying to dot my i's and cross my t's as I try to get all of my paperwork just right and not lose my teaching license in the process. (FYI, I did make a couple of minor errors, but nothing that I'd lose my license over.) I was really feeling a bit insecure today during the test, the test that I am NOT allowed to see even though 25 students in my room are taking, when I noticed things that I wasn't sure that I had reinforced enough recently. It's not like I saw the exact questions, but when there are big graphs on the page and you look up, there they are and you can't help but seeing them.

Near the end of my fourth hour, a student signals me over and gives me a note. Before even taking it, I asked to make sure she wasn't giving me a question from the test, and she wasn't. Her note reads as follows:

Miss Davis,

Hi! Well, I'm done with my EOI and I found 5 answers that were wrong when I looked back. But I just wanted to let you know that you're a Math Rock Star. I can't speak for everyone, but I think we were more than prepared and you did your job and I wanted to thank you!

When I read that, I can't even tell you how amazed and touched that I was. I was thrilled that she felt well-prepared, especially since she isn't a stellar student. I was truly impressed that she went back and thoroughly checked her work. But, when I re-read it, I realized that I liked being a "Math Rock Star." I don't know exactly what that means, per se, but I think it must have something to do with leaving a lasting impression on a person. One of my professional goals at the beginning of the year was to create a safe and effective learning environment; someplace where mistakes can be seen as a component of learning. I knew going into that goal, that I'd never fully accomplish it this year--I have too many moody days where I just don't have enough patience to see that through. But I received "Rock Star" status, at least with one student, and I feel like that is truly reaching and exceeding my goal. Some days I have to wonder why I do what I do, and doubt and inadequacy don't even begin to describe what I feel on those days. That note filled me with the energy, confidence, and sense of being that this math teacher can only imagine a musician (or rock star) feels when they walk out onto the stage. You breathe and in that moment you know why you are alive.

Test Anxiety

2006-04-17T21:25:00.000-05:00

In just over a week, I give my students the End of Instruction (EOI) test for Algebra 1. I prepare them all year for this test. I demand excellence, and I expect them to learn. It is so difficult for me to trust them to do their best. Maybe because their best isn't my best. Even though these tests appear on the students' transcripts, their success (let's be optimistic) is really a reflection on me. Wouldn't you get nervous if someone else was taking your test? It is one thing to prepare yourself for a test, but it is a whole other situation to teach someone so that they can be successful on the test. I'm experiencing so much anxiety about this this year. For several days I haven't been sleeping through the night. I actually wake up worried about teaching certain types of problems: quadratics, geometry type questions, etc. I really have to ask myself why these test scores really matter (besides No Child Left Behind). In even five years, will it really matter how well my students do on this test? Will it matter how well I do on this test?

To what lengths?

2006-04-10T21:12:00.000-05:00

I realized today to what extent I want my students to succeed. I was teaching the quadratic formula and in an effort to help my kids come to a place where they could remember it, I sang them a song. Me--singing by myself in front of a bunch of people. Have I totally lost my mind? Thank God for two years of Dr. Carver! Before you know it, I'm going to be cutting a record full of math songs to the tunes of all of our favorite children's songs. I'll be a millionaire!!! I think I'm catching a dream. :)

The product of struggle

2006-04-09T21:07:00.000-05:00

I’m proud of myself. I bought a new lawn mower today. I’ve been needing one for quite some time. The truth is I have a lawn mower, but I just bought a cheap one from Wal-Mart the first time. Since day one, that lawn mower never worked right. It is so difficult to start, and if you know me at all, starting a lawn mower isn’t a difficult challenge for me like it is with most women. I should have returned the lawn mower back then, but I didn’t. For over four years, I have struggled and struggled against this lawn mower. I don’t easily shirk away from a struggle; typically I persevere and the struggle becomes easier. I think that is why I didn’t want to buy this lawn mower today, and yet it is ultimately why I did buy it.

Why is it that we have to struggle to really accomplish or learn anything of substance? I don't really know anyone who likes struggle. Struggle is hard. Struggle is not fun. Most people (and that includes me) try to avoid struggle as much as possible because of this. And yet, it is through our struggles that we develop perseverance and ultimately character. The product of struggle is greater than the pain that we experience in the moment. The product of the struggle out-lives the difficulty.

I have many areas where I am struggling right now. It seems like I've been struggling with some of these for a very long time. I often wonder if I will ever conquer them. To be honest, I'm tired of struggling with my weight and with issues of self-worth. I know that I can't conquer these on my own and that I need the help of God. Yes, I want to get through these as easily as possible, but maybe I need to change my view of this. Maybe I just need to pray and ask God to just give me the grace to struggle well. I wonder what the product of the struggle will bring out of me?

Are Okies really just that dumb?

2006-03-25T12:04:00.000-06:00

When I was driving back yesterday and I entered Oklahoma, I saw a sign that I have seen many times, and again asked myself, "What does that really mean?" The sign said: Do not drive into smoke. So, here are the questions that go through my mind when I read this.

If there is smoke from a far off fire (like there was last night), what am I supposed to do? Stop on the side of the turnpike immediately??? Turn around on the turnpike??? Get all of the other drivers to stop until the smoke clears???
If the car in front of me is emitting smoke from its exhaust pipe, should I just drive the minimum speed limit until there is clean air between me and this car? Generally these cars aren't going much over the minimum speed limit anyway; what then?

Seriously, are Okies really so dumb that they have to post this sign all along the turnpike? I have not travelled too much, but I have never seen this sign in any other state. How is this sign protecting people? If a person really is so dumb as to drive into thick, black smoke and then ultimately through a fire, maybe that person shouldn't have a driver's license to begin with. Most likely that person wouldn't be able to read the sign on the side of the road anyway (was that too harsh?). I really would like to understand the purpose and/or history of these signs.

Reminiscing and regrets

2006-03-24T10:46:00.000-06:00

Well, spring break has almost come to an end, and I find myself back on the road again today back to Tulsa. I took an extra day this year so that I wouldn't have to rush to get ready for Mandy's wedding, which was beautiful!!! Zack was the ring-bearer in the wedding and looked so handsome in his little tux. He wasn't so sure about the little, white pillow that he was supposed to carry (he thought it was girly), but after Gloria convinced him it had super powers inside, he came to really like the pillow and even played with it throughout the week. :)

Seeing Mandy get married this past weekend has made me very reminiscent all week. Mandy was my best friend in high school, and I can't even imagine how different my life would be if we hadn't met. We used to stay up half the night talking about our weddings and the men of our dreams; I am so glad that she has found hers. Somehow our paths parted. I went away to college and became consumed with my college-life--school and work. Even when she came to the same college two years later, we rarely saw each other. I truly regret not staying in touch. Our friendship is important to me, and yet I put my busy life ahead of it. I am glad that I did get to celebrate her wedding day with her and Jeff, and I hope somehow to figure out how to stay in touch better.

Mandy is not the only close friend that I have lost touch with over the years. I don't understand why I have such a difficult time maintaining friendships across the miles. I am very much a relationship-oriented person, and yet the distance between me and many of my friends keeps pulling us apart. Why in the days of cell phones and no long distance charges and instant messaging is it so difficult for me to remain close to my friends and even my family? It frustrates me to have known a person so well and then to let them become a stranger. I even feel this way with my family a bit, but I'll save that for another post.

So, before I hit the road today, if you are one of my friends I want to let you know how special you are to me and that I love you.

A "Do-Nothing" Attitude

2006-03-13T18:30:00.000-06:00

I don't know about you, but when I was in school (which wasn't ALL that long ago) it was never acceptable to not do one's homework. I never remember kids not turning in assignments. I don't remember complaining about having homework on a Friday. Homework was just part of life; part of the learning experience.

Sometime, between 10 years ago and now, that has changed. A teacher can never expect that her students will do an assignment because it was assigned. If the students do not want to do it, then they will not, and who cares about a zero anyway?

Every assignment I assign as a teacher has a purpose--usually a dual purpose--to teach new concepts and review old ones. I give a lot of review work. It isn't that the kids cannot remember the material, rather it is the fact that maybe if I give three different reviews at some point maybe everyone will have done at least one of them! I kinda feel sorry for the kids who diligently do every assignment; generally these kids are bored in class because of the ignorance and dreadful laziness of their peers.

I read an article last week about how this current generation is not prepared for the workforce. They are not hardworkers, and they just aren't cutting it. Whose fault is this? If you blame the educators, I ask you to think quite seriously about the pressure that the government has put on us. We are required to make sure every student learns in spite of economic situations, learning deficiencies, intrinsic motivation, family background, etc. We are encouraged to not give zeros; if a kid is willing to make up the work, then maybe he will learn the material for the state tests and at least he will have learned it at some point. Excellence is not required anymore because education is now the land of second-chances. I allow students to correct mistakes for full credit; I allow students to re-take tests for full credit. You must think that I have really high grades in my classes. Haha! I could count the A's on one hand (out of approximately 125 students), and that includes my Pre-AP class which has only ONE A! However, I digress. . . . Do we blame the parents for the lazy attitudes of their children? Possibly. Do we blame the media?

I suppose we could all point fingers all day. The point is that we have a problem. How do we--educators, parents, and the community--fix this problem?

Dress code

2006-03-08T21:45:00.000-06:00

Question 1: Is it appropriate for guys to wear their jeans so that their boxers are visible to the world?

My answer: No. I don't want to see anyone's underwear, even if they are "shorts." Seriously, when did it become okay for people to walk around sporting their underwear as fashion. This is MUCH worse with girls wearing low-cut jeans and thongs!!!! My classroom doesn't have windows, so I never see the sun, but every once in awhile there is a moon. (ha, ha, ha)

Question 2: Is it appropriate for girls to wear shirts that are low-cut, especially to school?

My answer: No. If a girl is a slut, then she may choose to wear such a shirt outside of school, but school should be considered a breeding ground for professionalism. Now, I'm not trying to invoke ORU's former dress code on public school students; I just ask for decency.

And, when a girl is approached on the above dress code violation, it is NEVER appropriate to use the argument that it isn't fair that other girls with smaller breasts can wear low-cut shirts and I'm just getting picked on because I have big breasts. And, why would you want to have this discussion in a room full of guys??? Personally, I do not discriminate based on breast size; I believe that all young females should cover their chest adequately as to not distract the male students (or male teachers for that matter). Call me old fashioned if you must, but I really do wish that fashion designers would limit their low-cut tops to lingerie.

Empathy...A Lost Art?

2006-03-07T19:47:00.000-06:00

I went to the doctor today. I'm not sick, just a little unwell. I stopped taking my thyroid meds about 6 months ago when I ran out and was just to busy to go to the doctor. To be perfectly honest, I am not sure they were helping anything all that much. Last week, though, some of my co-workers mentioned that I always seems tired (which I am) and that I should get my thyroid checked. When I shared with them my story, they insisted I call the doctor to schedule an appointment, and believe it or not, I did.

So, today at the doctor, I waited in the lobby and then waited some more in the exam room before the doctor actually came in. Without saying an introduction or anything, she examined the results of my bloodwork and then started telling me what was all normal or good (like my cholesterol). I tried to explain my fatigue. She just didn't seem to believe that my one thyroid hormone level that was low could cause this. It is not that she said that, it's just the attitude that she gave off. She walked out of the room, and I waited for yet the third time in this 60+ minute appointment. She did give me a prescription for thyroid medicine and then said she'd see me in 6 months.

My question is: How hard would it have been for her to show just a bit of empathy? She did ask how long I sleep at night, but couldn't fatigue come from other factors like stress and diet. Couldn't she have said, "After using this for a month, if you are still experiencing fatigue, set up another appointment"? She could have at least faked being interested or caring about my situation. Heck, I am paying her.

Believe me, I have to fake empathy everyday. Do you know how hard it is to be empathetic with kids who don't have their homework because they (a) left their folder in English, (b) their dog ate it, (c) they puked on it, or (d) [make up your own crazy story and I've probably heard it]. Still, even though I've heard it all, to that kid, I need to show that I care and that they do have options. I'm even reading this book about classroom management stuff (it's a great book; let me know if you want the info on it) and it discusses the importance of empathy. I guess our culture is just too busy and too self-focused to really take the time to care about someone else.

Blind date

2006-03-04T13:54:00.000-06:00

I bit the bullet last weekend and went out on a blind date with this guy named Jeremy that my friend Tammy knows. Tammy and her boyfriend Rick (aka, Mr. Wescott, my Government teacher at ORU) also went along. I spent the entire weekend shopping, making sure I had the right outfit, that my nails were done, and that all was good.

Let me just say that I really ended up feeling like I wasted two hours of my time, in addition to all the time I spent "primping" for this date. Jeremy works in politics. Rick Wescott is running for city council. Can you figure out what ALL of the conversation was about? Yes, at one point he realized that he was talking all politics and asked me what I did. I got out about a sentence or two.

I was rather disappointed, though, in the whole experience. I stepped outside of my box, and I end up at a nice restaurant, with great music, and a sucky date who didn't even want to get to know anything about me. I wonder if maybe I give off an "air" that shoves people from me. Generally I think I'm a nice person, fairly intelligent, and I have a bit of a sense of humor, though that has been developing for years and it is quite dry. But this is perplexing to me; what is wrong with me? If I knew, I would try to fix it.

Learning

2006-02-08T21:47:00.000-06:00

What an exhausting week! I don't think I could ask for a better one, though.

Yesterday I received my semi-annual evaluation. It's actually a 3-day process, but yesterday was the last day of the process for the spring semester. I know that most people truly despise evaluations, but mine I generally look forward to. My evaluating administrator is always so full of wisdom and good advice; she keeps me sharp and always wanting to improve. She has a way of creating a desire to succeed. Even the students that I have sent to her have come out with that same desire (although they are also threatened by Saturday Morning Detention).

Today just started on a good note. I was able to have a student's schedule changed because we just were not getting along and we were never going to get along. If he were teachable, I would have kept trying, but I was scared that I was going to commit murder and people typically frown on that kind of behavior. (On a side note, I am really surprised that we don't hear more stories in the news of high school and middle school teachers just losing it in their classroom and killing students. I mean, really, try dealing with all those adolescent hormones and behaviors in a single room.) Also today I gave a test; probably over the second most challenging topic that I teach all year. My students ROCKED! Their efforts these past few weeks have been remarkable, and when that is the case, I am a happy person.

The one thing that I've learned this week about "Learning" is that in order to learn something we must abandon the idea that we (as the learner) know anything. There must be trust that the person teaching us really is smarter than we are. When I reflect, I see this in my students and their success on this challenging chapter as well as in me and the success that I am experiencing daily as a teacher. Maybe this kinda goes along with what Paul was talking about when he said that only when you lose your life that you will gain life. Maybe if I ever truly figure out that God is smarter than me, then I will trust him more and really learn about life.

Sudoku

2006-02-04T09:47:00.000-06:00

Recently a friend introduced me to Sudoku. If you haven't tried it, you must. Be warned, though, it is addicting. Sudoku is a number game of logic. I bought a book with several of these puzzles in it, and they come in four different levels. I find the first level, which requires basic logic and reasoning skills, to be quite simple yet entertaining. When I try the next difficulty level, I find myself becoming stumped and frustrated most of the time. I've yet to complete one of these. I can admit this now because I do still feel like a novice with this game, but I really thought that I had more than basic logic and reasoning skills.

I think about school (that is about all I think about for 11 months out of the year). I wonder if my students could complete the first difficulty level. I think that most could. What about the next level? To be honest, I don't think I want to know. :) They sit in class day in and day out as I help teach them the rules of Algebra. They are simple rules and they always follow a pattern. You just need to know what pattern you are looking for. One student this week finally figured out word problems. The story is generally different for each word problem, but in Algebra most problems fit into one of two different formulas. She just needed help seeing the pattern. It is amazing to see the difference in this girl now that she sees the pattern. I see a confidence in her that I've never seen, and there is a bond between us now--she trusts me to teach her, and that is huge.

I sometimes wonder if what I teach really does have much of a point. To be honest, I always made A's in math, but it wasn't until I started teaching it that I really understood why I did what I did to get the correct answer. I don't think if I were my own teacher, that I would give myself an A.

Maybe the whole point in math is like Sudoku. Sudoku pushes me and makes me focus and think. I can spend hours on a puzzle just to erase the whole thing and start over. When I finally see the pattern and solve one that I didn't think I could solve, maybe I'll get the confidence like my student did this week.