Rudy

I watched the last half of Rudy last night. I've only seen the movie once before but remember loving it. If you have never seen it, I highly recomment it. The movie is about a young student whose heart is to get into Notre Dame and play football for them. Rudy has more determination and self-discipline than probably everyone I know combined. His focus and hard work even causes many others to ridicule him for making them look bad.

I think there may be just a little bit of Rudy in me. I really wanted that math curriculum specialist job, as intimidating as it was to me. During the last two years, I have learned so much about teaching for learning and I dedicate most of every school day to refining that art. I have hardly perfected it, that is for sure. I really hope that I can learn something from Rudy. He had heart and passion that made him a great inspiration for others. I know this may cause some of my colleagues to judge me, but I really just want to do what is right by my students.

Results of Today's Interview

Well, even though my interview went great, I did not get the position. I have mixed feelings right now: part of me is relieved and the other part of me is really sad. I just have to keep telling myself that I am okay with this. I have some great ideas that I want to implement next year and as I do these things they can do nothing but better prepare me for whatever future God has in store for me.

The Need for Change???

I don't know what it is, but generally every two years I find myself in an position where I go through a period of major change. Two years ago I changed churches and also teaching jobs where I even changed the subject that I taught. Two years before that, I started teaching. Heck, I even changed my major in college every other year. Is it that I don't know what I want???? Back then, I think that was the situation; now I feel like I am going somewhere.

Today I interviewed for a different position in my school district. To be honest, it's a position that, if you just look at my resume, I'm not qualified to teach. I don't have an advanced degree, I don't even have a math degree, and I've only taught for 4 years (with only two in math). On paper I am not qualified to be a math curriculum specialist. But somehow, this is the path that I've felt myself going for the past year and a half. I didn't think that this would happen so soon, but back in January I learned that Todd, the former math curriculum specialist who has really taught me tons about teaching math, was being promoted to another position and that someone else would need to fill his role. I was certain that it would be someone else. But, it got me thinking about where my future was going, and that day I decided that it was time that I get started on my master's. Well, four months later, a friend and colleague insisted that I at least apply for the position; two weeks later, I did. I wasn't sure at all what I would say in my letter of interest, but when I finally had enough courage to begin writing it, the words just came so naturally.

Today I had my interview, and I was so nervous. Honestly, I am okay with whatever happens, but I was still nervous. Six people sat in on my interview...oy! One of the six people was my "boss" who I know was just sad to see me in there; she doesn't want to lose me. It was a tough interview, but I was myself and even admitted that I didn't know the answer to some of the questions. (I was very, very thankful for the conference that I went to this weekend, though. It helped me a lot.) Lisa, my asst. principal at my school, walked me outside after it was over and told me how great I did. She was so encouraging, as she always is. No one person has helped me grow into the professional that I am like she has; everything I have learned about teaching and leadership I've learned from her. Part of me does not want the job because I like working directly with her so much. I really don't know what I want right now. I still have so much room to grow as a teacher. If I don't get the job, then I understand, especially since one of the candidates almost has her doctorate.

I really want what God wants. I don't want to have more influence than what God wants me to right now. I know that if I get the position then I would need more help from him than ever just to get by. At some point, I really do need to stop changing jobs every two years. Seriously, how many different jobs would I have by the time I retired???

Mountains in Oklahoma???

Who would have guessed??? There are mountains in Oklahoma. Now, I have to admit they aren't the Rockies, or even the Appalachians, but it is something. Apparently the Wichita Mountains in Southwest Oklahoma (where I'm presenting at a math conference this week) are among the oldest on Earth. It really is a sight, though, to look out a window at the school and see these mountains in the skyline. I'm just not used to such a sight.

The mountains are the best part of this week. I'm in Lawton, Oklahoma. It's not the little town that I thought it would be, but there isn't much to it anyway. There are about 18,000 students enrolled in the schools here, which to be honest surprised me. Staying in a hotel, I'm at the mercy of the food establishments nearby, and there are not many. I'm sure there are sub shops around, but I haven't found them. Most restaurants here serve only fried food. Personally I'm tired of eating out and a salad sounds delicious, but I can't find a place that serves a good salad. Also, I want to know what is up with the stop lights in this town. They take forever to change. I imagine someone has run out of gas at one of these lights. All that to say, I really do not enjoy driving in this town, and yet tonight when I was out, the mountains (some may call them big hills) beckoned me to them, putting me at the mercy of the stop lights in this town. Oy!!!

Pictures

The link above will send you to a photo album where you can view pictures of Ethan and the boys. My nephews are such cuties!!!

Great News

Gloria had her baby this morning around 5:30. His name is NOT "Spiderman" as Zack wanted, but they named him Ethan Robert. All is well (as far as I know) and everyone is healthy. He weighed 9 pounds and 3 ounces. I guess Gloria will probably never have a "small" baby. She's even said that smoking may be a good idea for her when she's pregnant so that she can lower the birth weight. (Of course she was joking.)

I'm sure his picture will be on the website on a few days and I'll put a link in.

God Thought

From Don Miller's Searching for God Knows What:

I'll bet he [Adam] didn't have any self-doubt or any low self-esteem because he had God there and, as I have said, just as a plant gets its life from the sun, people must have received their life from God. Jesus was always talking about how His glory cam from God, as though God was shining on Him. The thing that made Jesus good, and the thing that made Adam good, was God's shining on them.

Ice Cream Worth Having

This week I'm away from home, staying in a hotel, presenting at a professional development conference for middle school math teachers. In all honesty, I've been pleased with the presentations that I've given and the feedback I've received. Soon I may even be able to say that I have overcome my fear of public speaking. :)

I don't want to talk about the conference now, though.

I came back to the hotel tonight and decided to walk through a couple parking lots to go to Sonic to get a sundae. As I was sitting there I realized that the ice cream truly worth having, the stuff you really enjoy, you have to walk there to get. I remember when I was in high school--those horrible days before I had my driver's license--when Gloria and I would walk to Dairy Queen and get ice cream in the middle of the day. I enjoyed that ice cream. It felt like such a treat to go without my parents, and often without there knowledge, to enjoy the simple cold treat. Tonight was a similar experience for me. I found myself again.

I didn't go with anyone, but I took Don Miller's book Searching for God Knows What. In many ways I feel like he came with me. As I read the book, even though they are chapters I've read before, I felt like I was finding my center. He speaks about renouncing the god that most American Christians align themselves with--a small god of rules who is checking his list to see who is naughty and nice. He continues by explaining how the God of the Bible is so much bigger than that God and how we don't fear him. If we do, why do we not listen when he says to be patient, to be kind, and to not judge lest we ourselves are judged? We claim to know that all sin, no matter how we as humans rate it, is abhorred by God, and yet we pick and choose the rules that we want to obey. I am guilt of this. Particularly if I go to a fast food restaurant and the people working are slow and make mistakes. I am easily angered, and even if I don't say something, I still give off body language that very clearly says something. Why do we (and by we I mean I) punish these fast food employees who are working hard. For many of them this is the first job that they have; they are not professionals. There is a reason they are working fast food. And even if they've been there for years, why can I not make allowances for them to make mistakes? Most of them (unless they are my students) aren't out to get me.

I just want to meditate on this idea of fearing God. Miller feels like there should truly be a healthy fear of God in us, not just the simple respect of God that we all claim to have out of reverance for who He is. Maybe Jana can enlighten me with the Hebrew meanings of fearing God and what the original writers were trying to convey.